Why My Life Turned Out Like This

Image from: kevinmd.com

It’s a big mystery why life turns out the way it is. Well, some smart Alecks have all the answers and simplify everything to either black or white. Your life is black when it’s dark and white when it’s bright. So, if you want your life to be white, just turn on the light, they say.

But sometimes, it’s not as simple as turning on lights. I’ve seen lots of lives with their lights turned on and yet there’s total darkness in them. Even Jesus noticed this:

If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! [Matthew 6.23]

Light that is darkness?

This is because life is not just black or white. If you still think life is simply like that, you’re outdated. You’re not really smart—you’re just a smart Aleck. Real life is multi-colored. Or, more aptly, it’s colorful.

Mine is often dark—dark brown, dark blue, dark red or sometimes just plain jet black. And with “jet black,” I mean black that glows. Ever seen that? Not many people have, especially those who see nothing in life but plain white or black.

Let’s talk about black and dark for a moment.

The dark colors in my life seem darkness for a while, but after your eyes get used to them and adjust, you see how the dark colors really glow, even black darkness. And then you’d see how God really dwells in darkness! When I mention this to mortals, they raise their eyebrows and think I’ve turned cult. I just love it.

Be shocked with these verses:

Then Solomon prayed, “O LORD, you have said that you would live in a thick cloud of darkness…” [1 Kings 8.12]

And here’s another..

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him– the dark rain clouds of the sky.[Psalm 18.12]

Here’s another mind blower:

Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. [Psalm 97.2]

God in thick darkness? Isn’t that the domain of Satan or Dracula? And connect thick darkness with the foundation of God’s throne?

Remember how the skies turned dark when Jesus died? And his death is our victory! I read somewhere that night is darkest when the first light of dawn is about to break. There is power in darkness!

When you see as God sees, you get used to the dark because darkness is really light. In God, there’s no difference whether you’re in darkness or light—because there will be times when God will let you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. In fact, in God’s dimension, there is no such thing as darkness.

…even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. [Psalm 139.12]

I know. You may be confused now. Probably because you’re still a common mortal. Spiritual in appearance yet carnal in essence (which is mere religiosity). To perceive these things you need to become an immortalized mortal. Human in form but spirit or God-ly in essence—the very DNA of Jesus running through your blood and constituting your flesh. That’s what you become in Christ.

Now, if you see life like this, it doesn’t matter how your life turns out. For instance, I and my dear wife are great errand runners. We’re champs at this. People make us run errands for them (but no one runs errands for us). That’s how our lives have turned out.

Imagine being everyone’s liaison officer. You watch others soar to stardom and you remain their water boy. We never dreamed of becoming like this, of course. We had better ideas about life. But then one day, we just found ourselves being assigned this role. It was the hand of God, of course. Initially, it felt like we were cast into the deepest darkness where there’s weeping and gnashing of teeth.

But as we got used to the dark, darkness gradually became light. Things began showing their contour lines and then slowly became visible—in fact, more clearly visible than when you see them on a bright day. Then it didn’t matter anymore if it was dark or bright. What mattered was that we saw things more clearly anywhere we were. That prevented you from stumbling.

But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble. [Proverbs 4.19]

Funny, some stumble more even when they’re in the light. 😀 It seems no amount of light can change their darkness within. But if you genuinely have the light, darkness in any shade or tone is always a piece of cake.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. [John 1.5]

That’s why married couples around us have been quarreling, separating and even divorcing—families have been terribly wrecked—yet I and my wife and kids remain sweetly intact. Almost 20 years now (as of this writing)  and folks around us never heard anything going wrong in our marriage.

Even if we are just errand runners for others.

In fact, we manage to have so much fun in doing menial errands together. It’s become a romantic date. We always walk holding hands and share sweet nothings while riding in buses, jeeps and trains together. We whisper soft I-love-yous and look in each other’s eyes intently. Sometimes we sleep while riding in public vehicles, her head resting on my shoulder. Or we often excitedly recall times when we had been to the place where we are now passing by. “Hey, remember that place?”

Most times, an iced sago at gulaman  and small lumpia for each of us are enough for an exciting and romantic “fine dining.”

Although my wife and I often discuss spiritual and intellectual things, read lots of books and continue to talk about and plan a bit for our dreams and life aspiration, we remain having a humble lot in life. This is how our lives have turned out. Why? We don’t know. As I’ve said, life is a big mystery.

I’ve seen folks who really sweat it out to earn more but always ended up broke. I have also seen folks who were practically lazy and yet earned large sums of money and became rich. There’s seldom just plain black or white in life. God has plans and they often times intertwine with his other plans, ramifying in various directions and yet harmoniously ending up in a perfect whole in the end.

Among things I learned is that, just because you have more money or possessions doesn’t mean you’re better or smarter than others or more favored by God. It just so happened that God placed you there at a vantage point now to serve his purpose. When that purpose is done, things will change—entire life scenarios and systems will be altered—no matter how hard you try to maintain the status quo.

You won’t have sharp eyes and mind to see things happening like this in life if you’re merely mortal.


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